Why do MEN Cheat?

June 1, 2016 4:03 amComments Off on Why do MEN Cheat?Views: 84

Why do men have affairs? Why do they cheat?

Usually, when that question is asked, it is asked by a woman, and of course the implication is that women don’t cheat the way men do. The conventional wisdom is that men are dogs, animals who simply cannot keep their dicks in their pants.

The reality is that women have affairs just as often as do men. I did some searching through the various statistics available online. A lot of them conflict. Some of the statistics from ten years ago claim that men cheat around 60 percent of the time and women cheat around 40 percent of the time, but more recent statistics put the levels at just above half for men and women. If you want to look at it that way, though, the numbers are exactly equal — because for every man cheating who’s not, I guess, bisexual or latently homosexual, there’s a woman cheating right along with him, so she’s “cheating” even if she’s single. She’s a party to the affair. Don’t tell me that most of them don’t know it; I think the majority of adults understand exactly with whom they’re sleeping.

I’m not a woman. I couldn’t tell you why, predominantly, women cheat, because my understanding of the female psyche is limited to what I’ve experienced. My spouse never cheated on me, and I never cheated on her. This was despite temptation and despite the fact that a woman I worked with basically said, “You know, you could come over to my place and have sex with me.” I held up my ring finger and said, “No, I couldn’t.” That doesn’t make me some great guy. God knows I was a shitty husband by any standard, really. But I was a faithful husband, and my wife was faithful to me despite my many inadequacies.

Still, based on my own experience, my own thoughts, my own temptations, and my conversations with many other men in similar scenarios, I do understand why men cheat. It isn’t the desire to “get some strange.” It isn’t simply that we’re led around by our penises like dogs on leashes, though there are a few guys out there trying very hard to prove me wrong. As much as women would like to believe that we cheat on them because we’re, well, assholes, the reality is that we cheat on them because of how they treat us.

The longer a man is married or in a committed relationship, the greater are the chances that his woman treats him with contempt. She knows his flaws. She knows his weaknesses. She knows his hot buttons. She knows, basically, just how to pick at him, demoralize him, emasculate him, and denigrate him. Women hate weakness and they simply can’t help, after they really get to know us, but feel contempt for the weaknesses they know we hide from the rest of the world. we facilitate this growing contempt by opening up to them, of course. Many is the woman who has said to her man of many years’ relationship, “You just aren’t the person I thought you were when we started dating.”

Well, I’ve got news for you, woman: Yes I am. I’m exactly, precisely the person you first started dating, or the person you married. It’s just that you now know me far better than anybody else does and, yes, that means I’m not the man of mystery and action, the man with now chinks in his armor, that you thought I was when we first started going out. You’re not quite the beautiful passion flower I thought you were, either, you know — I’ve since come to know how sharp is your tongue and how unforgiving is your attitude. I can accept those things, though they beat me down through the years, and I can even accept that you’ll then accuse me of lacking motivation or even opinions of my own when I stop bothering to fight with you. Frankly, after years of hearing you bitch, it’s a lot easier just to go along to get along.

And that, my friends and readers, is why men cheat. They cheat to feel like men. A man never feels more like himself, never feels stronger or more like a man, than when he beds a new woman. She doesn’t really know him yet; she doesn’t know his secrets; she doesn’t hold him in contempt. She treats him like an equal and, more, she treats him like she wants to fuck him, because she does. She hasn’t reached the point where she treats their physical love like she’s doing him a favor — like she’s tolerating his baser instincts because, well, he’ll just pout if he doesn’t get it from time to time. She hasn’t reached the point where the fact that he dares to find her attractive, still, doesn’t provoke her grudging acceptance of his advances.

This is the same reason that the most attractive women seem to date dickheads time and time again. A man who is a dickhead refuses to be treated with that contempt, with that familiar sense of disdain, because, well, he’s a dick, and he cares about himself more than he cares about his woman. This doesn’t mean I think you should be a dick to women — you shouldn’t. I’m just pointing out a fact of how the dynamic works. You see, a man who is a dick is a man first. He stands up for himself before he does anything else. (The problem with dicks is that they stand up for themselves out of a sense of selfish priority, rather than just because they understand that they’ve got to set boundaries to avoid being walked on by the people in their lives.)

You have to walk a fine line to stand up for yourself, to be who you are, and still not be a dick when dealing with women. It’s not easy, and Lord knows I spent years fucking it up and getting it wrong. I think a lot of guys, weaker guys, just become dickheads and abuse women because it’s easier than walking that line, and for the length of the relationships they manage to sustain, at least nobody’s treating the guys like crap. That’s the cop out. That’s the easier path.

Do it right. ┬áTreat women with respect and demand the same. ┬áThe problem is that you’ve got to be incredibly careful how much you open up, and at what pace, and to whom, when it comes to dating. Women can turn on a dime and become vicious creatures who’ll gut you with the knives you sharpened for them. They’ll use everything you’ve ever told them, every argument you’ve ever had, every inadequacy you’ve ever revealed or demonstrated, to cut you deep. That’s what makes it so hard, and that’s why it’s so easy to get it wrong or to overcompensate, descending into dickery because that at least preserves your core self.

Donning the armor of douchebaggery may comfort you temporarily, but it’s no way to be a man. Still, the fact is, men cheat because they want to feel like men. If the women in our lives understood how to treat us like men instead of children, they’d be a lot happier — and we’d do whatever it took to make them happy because we’d be grateful, genuinely, for that respect.